Ignorance is Bliss.........
It amazes me how ignorant people really when faced with what they call “badly behaved kids”. Well let me tell you ignorant people, not all kids are badly behaved is a result of “bad parenting”. As the parent of a child with learning delays, Speech delay and who is on the spectrum of Autism I am sick of being labelled a bad parent, or my son being labelled a brat!
Sure, people don’t understand who are not in the situation of being the parent of child with special needs, however that is not an excuse to judge or belittle parents who are in the situation. The situation being life and what has been dealt to us, we can’t change who are children are so get over it!
Honestly all children have their moments, outbursts, tantrums and are extremely uncooperative most of the time. Children are emotional just like adults, they are moody when they have no sleep, they complain when they are hungry and have feel pain, tiredness, anger, happiness, sadness, annoyed etc. After all children are in fact HUMAN too! One of the things that annoys me the most are the ones with no children, who comment on how parents should be parenting. (Hello get your own kids, then come back and tell me how easy being a mum is. Let’s throw into the mix an incurable disease, OCD tendencies and Autistic behavior then tell me what a terrible mum I am).
Living with a child who has daily outbursts and experiences every mood imaginable within a 12-hour period is hard, emotionally draining, stressful, and just heartbreaking – people judging us is all we need on top of that. We love our children totally and absolutely their special needs are just part of who they are – but that does not mean it’s easy or what we would have chosen. Kye has taught our family tolerance and understanding, he is a beautiful human being, who is kind and brave. I am in awe of how well he copes with all that he must endure, he keeps us all grounded, and real.
We truly live in such a judgemental society, with the idea it’s okay to belittle people who don’t fit the social norm. My son does make noise, he is very emotional, and often does things that would be considered naughty going off societies standards. But, his speech & learning delays make it difficult for him to communicate what he wants/or feels. He reacts the only way he knows how to, he cries, yells, screams, throws himself down, hits the wall, or sometimes has violent outbursts when objects are usually thrown. It’s so heartbreaking to watch the many meltdowns that occur, it’s upsetting, embarrassing (when it happens in public or around people outside the family unit).
How people react to these meltdowns does affect how long it takes to calm down our boy. If you call him naughty and yell at him, it will not do a thing, but make a little boy feel worse than he already does. If you imitate his behavior in the hope he will see how silly he sounds, I can assure you with 100% certainty his meltdown will continue and his crying/yelling get louder. Saying things like oh if that was my child I’d do such and such does not help, and is a very dangerous statement to make in earshot of me.
Calming our children down is not something that usually happens immediately, often this process can take some time. It’s not just outsiders who often judge us, for many of us our families do not understand, or try to understand why our children behave like they do. We are simply labelled bad parents, or our children little brats who need discipline. These labels are hurtful and down putting, and often result in us parents questioning our abilities. It is very stressful every day of our lives, we often walk around on eggshells, and do all we can to avoid meltdowns to make our home a place of happiness for our children – because these meltdowns take a toll on our children emotionally and sometimes physically. When we take our kids out of their familiar zone, and interact with others meltdowns are inevitable, which we can manage in our own way. For me I take Kye out of the situation to a quiet place and calm him down, away from the judgemental people who can’t keep their mouths shut and give those disapproving looks. (I do this for my child, not for the ignorant people who don’t even stop to think maybe there is a reason that child is acting like he is.)
Please be understanding of children’s behavior, it’s not that we are just letting our children be out of control, and have no rules etc. Our kids cannot help how they are behaving, your judgemental looks and opinions will not change the situation, or suddenly make our children so called “Normal” and stop behaving like they are. They are who they are, we are good parents, good parents who care about our children and wish we could change things for our children so they do not have to go through the stress and emotional turmoil they constantly live in. We love our children unconditionally, and want your understanding not your judgement. We want our children to be accepted into society, not mocked and belittled to a point where they feel they don’t belong in society.
The saying goes ‘people are afraid of what they don’t understand’, don’t let your fear make you ignorant – knowledge is the key to understanding, open your mind to that which is outside what society sees as “NORMAL” think to yourself when passing judgement “have I considered all the possible reasons for this child’s behavior?” (the answer to that question will always be no, because we don’t get to live in the minds of others, and can’t possibly know all scenarios.)
A small tip, instead of judging, why not offer help? People are often afraid to approach parents of special needs kids, (we sort of live in our own segregated world), The thing is we would love someone to offer help, not because we want sympathy. By asking if we need help, instead of judging you are showing us acceptance, and understanding. Acceptance & understanding is so important to break down those barriers of segregation, allowing our families (especially our special needs children) to be treated as equals.
Love & Peace to you all :)
